Good morning. Let's go around the room. "Yesterday I worked on the thing. Today I'll keep working on the thing. No blockers." "Same as yesterday." "I was in meetings all day so I didn't get to the thing but today I'll definitely get to the thing." "I'm still waiting on the API from the other team." (This person has been saying this for three weeks.) "Same." Congratulations. We just spent 15 minutes to learn absolutely nothing that isn't already visible on the Jira board. Which nobody looked at. Because why would you look at the source of truth when you can PERFORM it live every morning like some kind of agile theater production. The standup is not a meeting. It's a ritual. A daily offering to the gods of Productivity so that middle management can feel like things are moving. We stand in a circle, we recite our incantations, and then we go back to our desks and do what we were going to do anyway. I once timed our standups for a month. Average: 14 minutes. Useful information exchanged: approximately 45 seconds per standup, usually someone saying "hey, that endpoint changed, heads up." That's a Slack message. That's literally just a Slack message. But you can't CANCEL the standup. Oh no. That would mean you're not agile. That would mean you don't value communication. The Scrum Guide says you need it, and the Scrum Guide is sacred text, handed down from the mountains by Ken Schwaber himself. I propose we replace standups with a bot that reads the Jira board and posts a summary. If anyone has an actual blocker, they can type it. If nobody types anything, WE SAVED 15 MINUTES. Multiply that by every team in every company and we just gave humanity back millions of hours. You're welcome.