They show up in every thread. Every single architecture discussion on the internet. Without fail. Someone posts a nuanced question about database design, event sourcing, or multi-tenant data isolation, and within three minutes, there it is. The comment. "Just use Firebase." My app has complex relational data with joins across 30 tables. "Just use Firebase." I need ACID transactions for financial operations. "Just use Firebase." I'm building an offline-first POS system that syncs with a cloud backend and handles money. "JUST USE FIREBASE." It's not a recommendation at this point. It's a reflex. A liturgical response. The tech equivalent of "thoughts and prayers." These people don't evaluate your problem. They don't read your requirements. They see a question about data and their brain fires a single synapse that says FIREBASE. You know what Firebase is GREAT for? Prototypes. Hackathons. That side project you'll abandon in two weeks. You know what it's NOT great for? Anything where you looked at your data model and thought "hmm, this might need a JOIN." But try telling them that. You'll get the look. The pitying, condescending look of someone who has achieved enlightenment through NoSQL and cannot understand why you cling to your relational heresies. "You just don't understand the Firebase way." Yeah. The Firebase way. Where you denormalize everything into a JSON tree so deep it has its own postal code, and every query is a prayer to the indexing gods. It's a cult. I said what I said.